Soul Mate?

Michelle L. Casto looks at when a soul mate should be a 'life mate'...

Choose a Life Mate, Don' Wait For A Soul Mate

Author: Michelle L. Casto, M.Ed.

Have you ever wondered why all the people who are seeking their

soul mate end up disappointed and let down? I have found that it

is possible that there is no such thing, at least in the way

most people think about it. I have also found that if you want

to find “heaven on earth” with a special someone, you have to

adjust your expectations to a more realistic, humanistic level.

With all of the talk about finding one’s soul mate, you might

wonder why a more appropriate term is “Life Mates.” Because, in

my belief, soul mates are all the people we come into contact

with whom we have unresolved business. In truth, soul mates

could be family, friends, or colleagues. They do not have to be

your significant other. Thanks to the media and our human need

for companionship, the soul mate myth has been romanticized to

unrealistic proportions and continues to keep us longing for

that one “perfect person,” so much so that we are never

satisfied with who we are with. Life Mates, on the other hand,

appreciate and love each other on a more humanistic level. Life

Mates recognize each other’s spirits, but interact as human

beings, realizing that while in human form, nothing or no one is

perfect. They know that life on earth is about learning lessons.

Life Mates learn, live, love, and evolve together, yet remain

separate on their individual spiritual journey. Ultimately,

finding your true Life Mate brings real love into your life,

awakens your soul and makes it easier for you to learn the

lessons you are meant to learn. Before I met my own Life Mate

four years ago, I too believed that there was only one perfect

person for me in this entire world. For many years, I searched

high and low trying to find my other half only to end up feeling

frustrated and lonelier than ever. And then…. I met Philip—of

course when I wasn’t looking---and we began dating. I did not

feel an instant connection with him, a bolt of lightening did

not strike me, nor did any other “sign” appear before my eyes

telling me that he was the one. Instead, we simply enjoyed each

other’s company and started spending more time getting to know

one another. After about six months, we woke up to the

realization that we wanted to be an exclusive couple. After a

year and a half, we decided to move in together, next we bought

a home, and finally adopted two wonderful dogs. My lovelife now

is rich and wonderful, but it is because we chose each other and

became committed to the development of a real relationship. Had

I continued to search for a perfect person, I would probably

still be alone! As it turns out, real love grows over time and

involves a conscious choice. And here I was for years and years,

believing that I would see my soul mate across a crowded room,

fall immediately in love, and live happily ever after! Perhaps

you can relate with my illusion? Upon my own inner reflection

and by talking to others while I was writing this book, I

discovered that the “soul mate” myth has endured for so long

because we want to believe there is someone perfect for us—even

though we ourselves have many warts and imperfections. We want

to believe in unconditional love and acceptance. We also want to

believe in “destiny.” We want the hand of God to bring our

"twin" to us. We want to feel overwhelmingly drawn to him or her

like a moth to a flame. We want to feel instant recognition when

we first lay eyes on that person. For many folks, it is much

easier for them to believe that their life is pre-destined, and

that if they only wait long enough, they will find that perfect

person. Instead of choosing to use what God gave us—the ability

to love and the free will to choose--- we leave our romantic

lives up to “fate.” (Something we would never do with our career

or other important life needs, by the way). And of course, we

learn about love through the media, and are lead to believe that

finding our soul mate is easy. It happens all the time in the

movies, right? At a deeper level, perhaps we want to believe in

soul mates because we unconsciously seek a re-connection to our

own God or Goddess. Maybe we believe that through a union with

another person, that in addition to experiencing physical

ecstasy that we will also experience spiritual ecstasy? If you

stop to think about how many times “heaven” is referenced in

romantic love songs—you may begin to realize the unconscious

connection we often make between romantic love and spirituality.

With the soul mate theory to romantic love, you have no

conscious choice but to be with that person. In the real world,

the choice is yours. Be sure to make it on a conscious level.

What I have learned while on my journey with my Life Mate is

that we each have to develop a relationship with God in our own

way and then work (it is a true labor of love) at our

relationship on a daily basis. My romantic relationship is full

of joy and love but also with pain and work. (That is human

reality). I now know that human love takes conscious effort,

time and thought. And that choosing a Life Mate over seeking a

soul mate makes for a much more fulfilling and attainable

real-love experience.

About the author:

Michelle Casto is a Whole Life Coach residing in Atlanta, GA.

She is the author of Get Smart! About Modern Romantic

Relationships and Get Smart! About Modern Career Development.

She works with people to people the author of their own success

story. Visit www.getsmartseries.com or contact

coach@getsmartseries.com